Humans Are Not Items That Are Damaged, They Are Humans

I was reading The Mighty, which for those not in the know, is a news-like blog focused on various disabilities. For the most part, I only keep up with the Autism posts, but they have posts for Down Syndrome, Mental Illness, and other categories too.

Anyways, I was reading the Mighty and they featured an article titled When A Stranger Questioned Why I would Have More Children When My First is Autistic written by Amy Clevidence link here.

Really, I should know better than to read such an article, but I was curious as to from what perspective this article was written. I did not expect what the stranger said, to be as brutal as what was actually said. I expected it to be bad, because any such question is, but here's what the stranger actually said:

“Wait! Let me get this straight. You had an autistic child. You proved you could create a damagedchild, then you intentionally had additional children? Why would you tempt fate like that? Has the level of your selfishness ever occurred to you?”

....

The emphasis is in the original article, and I imagine, probably in the stranger's voice.  Someone, a stranger to this woman, in person, felt that it was OK to call autistic people damaged. And to call the mother selfish! I... wow. I expected something more along the lines of "Why on earth would you want another kid if one was already autistic already had autism (cause people that think like this, will never in a million years use the word autistic. At least, not in a non-derogatory way).

It is never- ever- OK to call another human being "damaged". I am autistic- part of my brain doesn't catch onto social rules, but I do know this much. Just... don't do it.

But, the truth is, even if the stranger had said what I expected him/her to say... it wouldn't have been OK. And as an autistic mother, I don't even have to say that I have an autistic child, to hear things like "Wait, you're autistic and a mother?" or "Why would you want kids if you are autistic?". And only my good friends ask me, "So, are you wanting more kids? When do you think you will have them?" And, really, I could say 'no one' asks me that, because most of my good friends know my thoughts about having more kids, and when I want them. I might get "Don't you have baby fever yet?" But the point is most people, if/when they know I am autistic, will assume that I don't want kids, and that one is enough.

For the record, my ideal is to have four kids, with about 4 years between them. My reasons for this scenario are many, and would distract from this post, but that is my ideal. We'll see if it happens or not.

There is no good reason why a parent of an autistic child should feel like they are doing something "bad" by having a child after one is autistic. Whether that parent is autistic or not, whether the child is autistic or not, the child is not defective, is not cursed, and is a wonderful addition to the human race.

So... if you should meet someone who has multiple kids, the first of which is autistic (or multiple autistics), congratulate them on having so many precious children in their lives, and maybe buy them a wine if they are into that. And next time you see a person with a single autistic child, don't assume they won't have any more kids, or that they think their child being autistic is a tragedy. And when you meet an autistic adult, don't treat them like it's bad that they may want children.

Remember, to be autistic is to be human. We experience life differently, but we are still very much human.