Humans Are Not Items That Are Damaged, They Are Humans

I was reading The Mighty, which for those not in the know, is a news-like blog focused on various disabilities. For the most part, I only keep up with the Autism posts, but they have posts for Down Syndrome, Mental Illness, and other categories too.

Anyways, I was reading the Mighty and they featured an article titled When A Stranger Questioned Why I would Have More Children When My First is Autistic written by Amy Clevidence link here.

Really, I should know better than to read such an article, but I was curious as to from what perspective this article was written. I did not expect what the stranger said, to be as brutal as what was actually said. I expected it to be bad, because any such question is, but here's what the stranger actually said:

“Wait! Let me get this straight. You had an autistic child. You proved you could create a damagedchild, then you intentionally had additional children? Why would you tempt fate like that? Has the level of your selfishness ever occurred to you?”

....

The emphasis is in the original article, and I imagine, probably in the stranger's voice.  Someone, a stranger to this woman, in person, felt that it was OK to call autistic people damaged. And to call the mother selfish! I... wow. I expected something more along the lines of "Why on earth would you want another kid if one was already autistic already had autism (cause people that think like this, will never in a million years use the word autistic. At least, not in a non-derogatory way).

It is never- ever- OK to call another human being "damaged". I am autistic- part of my brain doesn't catch onto social rules, but I do know this much. Just... don't do it.

But, the truth is, even if the stranger had said what I expected him/her to say... it wouldn't have been OK. And as an autistic mother, I don't even have to say that I have an autistic child, to hear things like "Wait, you're autistic and a mother?" or "Why would you want kids if you are autistic?". And only my good friends ask me, "So, are you wanting more kids? When do you think you will have them?" And, really, I could say 'no one' asks me that, because most of my good friends know my thoughts about having more kids, and when I want them. I might get "Don't you have baby fever yet?" But the point is most people, if/when they know I am autistic, will assume that I don't want kids, and that one is enough.

For the record, my ideal is to have four kids, with about 4 years between them. My reasons for this scenario are many, and would distract from this post, but that is my ideal. We'll see if it happens or not.

There is no good reason why a parent of an autistic child should feel like they are doing something "bad" by having a child after one is autistic. Whether that parent is autistic or not, whether the child is autistic or not, the child is not defective, is not cursed, and is a wonderful addition to the human race.

So... if you should meet someone who has multiple kids, the first of which is autistic (or multiple autistics), congratulate them on having so many precious children in their lives, and maybe buy them a wine if they are into that. And next time you see a person with a single autistic child, don't assume they won't have any more kids, or that they think their child being autistic is a tragedy. And when you meet an autistic adult, don't treat them like it's bad that they may want children.

Remember, to be autistic is to be human. We experience life differently, but we are still very much human.

Autistic Communication and Language Choices

First off, let's define communication, and language. Communication is any message being sent or received from one person to another. There's nonverbal communication, such as body language, facial expressions, and miming, and there's verbal communication, which can be sounds like "oh! woah! and ow!" or, spoken language. Verbal communication also includes nuances such as tone of voice, and voice volume. So, communication is a message being sent and received either verbally or nonverbally. It is not necessarily language. Especially when it comes to autistic people, behaviors are a form of communication? Let's see how good your interpretation of behavioral communications are:

You are talking to someone, and they turn to leave.

Your kid touches the stove and starts crying.

A touchdown is made, and the crowd cheers and claps.


Messages communicated:
"I'm done talking to you."
"That hurt!"
"Go team!"


See? You innately understand behavioral communication. Keep that in mind when talking to an autistic person, or otherwise interacting with them.


Now, language is generally what we humans use to communicate. Language is an encoded message, that is delivered, and interpreted based on a standardized set of rules. This can be verbal, nonverbal as well. ASL, American Sign Language- or really, any official sign language- is a nonverbal language. English, and many other languages, can be written down, and delivered nonverbally. And, of course, verbally there's any number of languages: English, Spanish, Cantonese, Chinese, Mandarin, Arabic, Hawaiian... the list goes on and on and on.

For nonverbal autistics, there are a number of choices for communication. ASL can be taught, as we are doing with Ace, enabling the individual to develop language skills. Sometimes, autistics can have poor fine motor control, so ASL isn't the best option for them. That's ok too. Ace is blessed with advanced fine motor control, so we take advantage of that.

There are also communication systems to help autistics communicate. There are Augmented and Assistive Communication systems (AAC) where an autistic might have an IPad that they can type on, or tap pictures, that will then vocalize the message the individual chooses.

 There's the Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS) in which the child flips through cards with pictures/words (developmentally appropriate) to show what they want to communicate. PECS is particularly popular at the toddler and elementary ages.

There's also Rapid Prompting Method, in which the individual can point to a chart showing the ABC's and spell out what they want to say- or, in the case of younger kids, point to pictures that show what they want, similar to the younger PECS, without the exchange of the picture.

And, of course, there is behavior. Crying, clapping, turning away, and dragging people where you want them, are all methods of communications an autistic person may use innately.

If an autistic does sign, please try and communicate with them through sign. Do not insist that they talk verbally. If they talk verbally- great! But ASL IS a legitimate language, and if it works, it works. If you don't know ASL yourself, ask the individual's mom/partner/friend/interpreter (most autistic's won't have an interpreter on hand though) to translate the autistic's responses for you. Remember, though it is definitely fun to communicate in the same language, unless told differently, just because they are using ASL, does not mean that they are not hearing. You can talk to them, as you would anyone else, and they are able to hear, and understand. They'll just answer back in ASL- which is where the interpreter will be useful- so that you will know what they are saying back to you!